Pick-Up Lines

According to my application spreadsheet, I have been officially on the job market for four weeks. I think it’s going pretty well, so far. I’m making several contacts, sending out résumés, and of course, combing job sites for postings. Because I’ve chosen to post my information online, I’ve had the pleasure of receiving my fair share of job-related spam in the past month with the following awesomely bad lines. Everything is verbatim, unfortunately.

Openers:

• Greetings,dear friend!
• I am trying to reach you!
• Are you blessed with a new child yet unable to attend work? Are you a college student with odd class schedules impairing regular work time? Well you’re in luck!!!
• You are invited to a people-intensive, on-the-edge of technology powered environment.
• You befit on our position.

Qualifications:

• Honest Workesr Needed!!!
• Basically, almost anyone can manage to handle the job, but you honesty and doing your best are of utmost importance for us
• You needn’t any education, qualification or any special skills. Everything you need is a great desire to work.
• Requirements: USA citizenship. Responsibility, diligence and honesty.
• General requirements: the ability to work in teamand good communicative skills. Ability to keep company’s interest s more than your own one. USA citizenship required.
• Age: from 18 till 70 years

Benefits:

• You DONT HAVE TO PAY FOR ANYTHING TO WORK FOR US
• Your monthly salary can amount to $1,800-2,300.
• DO NOT TURN THIS OFFER DOWN!! GREAT OPPORTUNITY!!! You can recieve a salary not less then 50 000$ a year!

Big Finishes:

• ... act now for this great intuitive job offer.
• If you are interested in this job and you really want to work with us, send us confirmation that you are ready to work in our company , then we will send you contract, you should sign it and we will begin to co-operate.
• If you have found this letter to be a nuisance, please accept our apologies.

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P.S. I’m glad to report that I got the fun, relaxed weekend I wanted. JG and I spent a lot of time just hanging out together and I felt like I had woken up from a vacation this morning. Thank goodness for mental health days.